| Life & Me... revisited | ||||
| 01:26am 06/03/2004 | ||||
Went to the docs for the gawd knows what time, I should have me own spechial chair with a name plaque and all that! he gave me bloody sleeping pills so I get in a huff - STEWPID docs I dont want pills to sleep I want to know why the pills he gave me make me not sleep! GRAH So I phone the shrink - he is most pissed off the doc still has me on SSRI's as he has decided I is Bipolar (wheeeeeeee and crash wheeee and crash etc) sooooo.. I now have MORE MEDS grah!!!! this time mood stabilisers he is weening me orf the Efexor as apparently if you come straight off em you can go a bit nuts (hehe what does he mean go?!) so I am now the proud owner of a fortnights worth of Depokote which me mum was on a few years back and says they are ok so heres hoping!!!! |
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hopeful| Dear Tooth Fairy... | ||||
| 09:37pm 02/03/2004 | ||||
I can't fucking cope with this nothing anymore Eternally greatful Me! My stomach is hurting so so much its doing me in *screams* |
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hungry| Whats the point?!?!?! | ||||
| 10:07pm 29/02/2004 | ||||
Then you find yourself in an extremely shite situation... one of extremes... one that I can get out of but it will take a few weeks and ya know what... karma obviously doesnt swing my way... NOT ONE person who I thought I could rely on will help NOT ONE Shows what you mean to people when the shite hits eh? I think I will just be there for myself in the future - and expect nothing of others and do nothing for others it seems thats how the rest of the world lives |
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stressed| Life and gahhhh's | ||||
| 01:37pm 29/02/2004 | ||||
I wish I could turn it all around but right now it feels so hopeless again... I have crashed back down with a vengence, am so sick of the ups and downs .... GAHHHHHHHHHHHHH |
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depressed| *ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH* | ||||
| 03:25pm 26/02/2004 | ||||
I feel better for that |
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aggravated| OMFG... | ||||
| 08:23pm 25/02/2004 | ||||
Poor I*** I am livid in how she has fecked him over and hurt him... Karma is gonna have one hell of a time kicking her up the arse! |
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| so so so scared... | ||||
| 11:27pm 19/02/2004 | ||||
I dont like opening to people I am forced to do it with OH GAWD FEAR FEAR FEAR |
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scared| *sniffle* | ||||
| 09:31am 17/02/2004 | ||||
Havent slept all night SNIFF |
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| Life me and insomnia | ||||
| 05:12am 16/02/2004 | ||||
Maybe I should turn this off and read a good book.... or a bad one - a bad one is more likely to se nd me to sleep .... Ermmmm I dont have bad books! The Bell Jar? Or Prozac Nation? Nice light hearted bedtime reading eh???? ah well have to be up in 3 hours so should attempt to close my eyes at least once Grah to insomnia |
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hyper| Gahhhhh | ||||
| 07:26pm 15/02/2004 | ||||
Looks for a victim .... |
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artistic| buys herself a strait jacket - squeeeeee | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 03:49am 15/02/2004 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| GAHHHH | ||||
| 03:31am 15/02/2004 | ||||
Maybe I am trying the non drug induced way of hallucinating?! ARGHHHH |
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awake| 01:23am 14/02/2004 | ||||
Dark saddened eyes, blurring with tears. Painful scars borne; Love's history. Futures crumble when doubt appears. No brightly lit hope envisioned, When following after harsh words. Hurt soul splits in twain, partitioned. Swooned by appeal - when numbness lured. Apologies made, never bought. Price paid turned out far too costly. Though never known what would be wrought - Must walk into the night softly. |
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| sick of this damn illness... | ||||
| 12:33am 14/02/2004 | ||||
I dunno anymore, I hurt those so badly that I care about, the anger just bubbles through and takes over me, its scary I can love and hate the same person within a few minutes, when I am hating I go for the jugular, no holds barred... then I am left feeling so damn shitty about myself and the hurt I have caused... WHEN WILL IT STOP?! |
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drained| gahhhh | ||||
| 11:04pm 13/02/2004 | ||||
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| killin' time | ||||
| 02:50pm 12/02/2004 | ||||
THE ENTHUSIAST Enneagram Type Seven  free enneagram testThe Busy, Fun-Loving Type: Spontaneous, Versatile, Acquisitive, and Scattered Basic Fear: Of being deprived and in pain Basic Desire: To be satisfied and content — to have their needs fulfilled Enneagram Seven with a Six-Wing: "The Entertainer" Enneagram Seven with an Eight-Wing: "The Realist" Profile Summary for the Enneagram Type Seven Healthy: Highly responsive, excitable, enthusiastic about sensation and experience. Most extroverted type: stimuli bring immediate responses — they find everything invigorating. Lively, vivacious, eager, spontaneous, resilient, cheerful. / Easily become accomplished achievers, generalists who do many different things well: multi-talented. Practical, productive, usually prolific, cross-fertilizing areas of interest. At Their Best: Assimilate experiences in depth, making them deeply grateful and appreciative for what they have. Become awed by the simple wonders of life: joyous and ecstatic. Intimations of spiritual reality, of the boundless goodness of life. Average: As restlessness increases, want to have more options and choices available to them. Become adventurous and "worldly wise," but less focused, constantly seeking new things and experiences: the sophisticate, connoisseur, and consumer. Money, variety, keeping up with the latest trends important. / Unable to discriminate what they really need, become hyperactive, unable to say "no" to themselves, throwing self into constant activity. Uninhibited, doing and saying whatever comes to mind: storytelling, flamboyant exaggerations, witty wise-cracking, performing. Fear being bored: in perpetual motion, but do too many things — many ideas but little follow through. / Get into conspicuous consumption and all forms of excess. Self-centered, materialistic, and greedy, never feeling that they have enough. Demanding and pushy, yet unsatisfied and jaded. Addictive, hardened, and insensitive. Unhealthy: Desperate to quell their anxieties, can be impulsive and infantile: do not know when to stop. Addictions and excess take their toll: debauched, depraved, dissipated escapists, offensive and abusive. / In flight from self, acting out impulses rather than dealing with anxiety or frustrations: go out of control, into erratic mood swings, and compulsive actions (manias). / Finally, their energy and health is completely spent: become claustrophobic and panic-stricken. Often give up on themselves and life: deep depression and despair, self-destructive overdoses, impulsive suicide. Generally corresponds to the Manic-Depressive and Histrionic personality disorders. Key Motivations: Want to maintain their freedom and happiness, to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences, to keep themselves excited and occupied, to avoid and discharge pain. |
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| GAHHHHHH... | ||||
| 02:04pm 11/02/2004 | ||||
One day I will befriend people that have an ounce of humanity about them. |
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| 01:06am 10/02/2004 | ||||
Your full of life while i'm dying slowly Stealing the very life from me as you laugh with insanity I'm cold Dead Alone No one understands my life Left face down in the mud, Abandoned. No hope. |
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cold| gahhhhhhhh I am sooooooo angry and upset.... | ||||
| 11:37pm 09/02/2004 | ||||
I can't do this anymore, I truely truely cant, I was so close today I just wanted to jump into oncoming traffic, but thats not fair on the driver eh? GAHHHHH so so sick of all the mindless shite of everyday - the smiling at stupid people to pretend that I am not depressed - well ya know what I fucking am.... morbidly, painfully depressed. Death is hanging over me and will snatch me soon, the sooner the better I cant live like this anymore, it hurts to wake, it hurts to sleep, it hurts to think and it hurts to talk.... I am coming to the conclusion that Friday will be the day I finally catch the bus... I need to be sure this time, no psychs, no hospitals, just peace PURE PEACE Have saved enough tablets by then I think - the doc stupidly told me they were fatal in overdose (mwah haha) thanks doc! 4 days thats all I have to suffer but it seems like forever |
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| Read 1 - Post | ||||
| The best weekend and the best man.... | |||
| 06:49pm 20/01/2004 | |||
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yeah this is one of those smoochy posts so those of the faint stomachs pass on through! What can I say about Bart - he accepts me good and bad, he loves me good and bad, he supports me through it all I never thought there were people in this world such as him... The weekend was bliss, not stressful despite the crap travel plans, just bliss nice times doing nothing, nice times meeting his friends, when either of us had an inkling of stress it was washed away by the good feelings that were there Have I met my mate? well the signs are yes but you know me lets jump before we think lol I love him with every part of me, I would move there in a heart beat to make things work errr I dunno this is me all lovey! hehe makes a change eh? |
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